How to love someone who doesn't love themselves?

The little devotional girl. Women are all programed to be devotional. Devoted to a men until she no longer can be. Every woman that you see who is angry, bitchy or broken was once a devotional girl. A girl who got tired of running after a man, with a man. And now she sits still. Like a queen. 

Many times ghosting, obsession, betrayal, abandonment, and all those painful instances that break our hearts are simply the ugly manifestations of a human being that never learned how to love themselves properly. Not with their ego, but with their pure and vulnerable heart. 

Many boys do not learn love. They learn how to be strong, how to play sports, how to stop crying quickly. They may learn numbers, words, and even read a book or two. They learn how to go fast on their bikes. They learn how to be tough. They learn how to compete with the other boys. And eventually they learn how how to succeed and make money. Or at least they want to. But do men and boys learn how to love themselves? 

No. 

Girl are taught to love boys and boys are taught to be strong. It may seem too simplified and you may think that there is more to it. But historically and biologically the world tells us that this is true, in that one simple sentence. We as humaity are only starting to embark on the possibility that we are not trained in love. 

I see a system that feels broken. So few men actually know how to love a woman, and if they do then they must master loving themselves. There is no other way. Remember I speak of ideal gut wrenching, relentless, pure and honest love. 

I myself am an idealist. A lover girl who thinks "Wuthering Heights" and "Dracula" set the standard. But realistically I know this is not love either. Obsession is not love, complacency is not love, suffering together is not love, staying for the sake of it, is not love. Intense secrets and affairs that feel like love, aren't love either. I see some many forms of love. But all of those above mentioned are layered on top of a very big problem.

You never loved yourself. He never loved himself.

How do we know that a man loves himself?

He does not run.He does not run from you. He does not run to work. He does not run to drink. He simply does not run. He does not run towards money. He does not run from himself. This stillness does not mean giving everything up to sit on a mountain and meditate. This stillness, is absolute self love. It is flow, it is juicy and abundant. It is sexy and overflowing. I wish you knew. 

When you love yourself you do not run from yourself. You do not throw yourself into your work, freinds, the gym, the new car, the new house. He does not even throw himself at you. Its all there but you do not run to it. There is no running.

Think deeply. How much running do I do, and then you will know just how little you love yourself. If you can be still my love, then you have the love. Now look at him. How much does he run? And then you will know. 

So many woman are devoted to keep a man from running. Stay with me. Stay here. Stay with our children. Stay in the moment. Stay. Isn't that all you ever wanted from your man? The right man. Just stay. Yet off he goes running. To gamble, to take a break, to work, to play. But its all running.

So how do you love a man who does not love himself? You realize he is not running from YOU. He is running from himself. Let him run and run and run. He will hit his rock bottom. Wether you will be there when it happens is your choice.

Then he will have a choice to stop running. He will have the choice to face himself. This will be the moment. And he may just finally get it. He will turn inward and stop running. You will feel it and you will know it. Until then, let him run.

Because the same goes for you. You are running, after him. So stop running. This is how you love a man who doesnt love himself. You dont run with him. You become still, so very still. You stop running.